Get Out Of My Life!
...But First Help Me Find My Warm-Ups!

By Angelika Y. Sadar, M.A.
Sports Psychologist

Have you ever thought that all those parents who think it is hard to raise an adolescent have not been raising a junior tennis player? Most parents have at one time or another wished for "The Manual of Parenting". It is even harder to find "The Manual of Parenting the Tennis Player".

Most tennis parents have perfected the roles of cab driver, travel agent, teacher and equipment carrier with ease. The role of confidence trainer is far more complex and infinitely more important for the development of the tennis player and child who will grow into an adult.

Self-confident athletes learn to understand themselves well enough to feel successful when they reach the upper levels of their abilities and do not attempt to achieve unrealistic goals. For the junior tennis player, this must occur amidst many other developmental needs that the teenager must address. Tennis parents can best help their child by understanding the developmental needs of their child's age group and by focusing on how to maintain optimal self-confidence during that stage of life. It is challenging for parents to stay on this track, because the junior player faces so many other demands associated with playing competitively.

Teaching the player to bring coaching needs to his coach (even though the parent can often fill this role) and to learn responsibility for his belongings, will free the junior and parent to develop a more balanced parent/child relationship.

Developmentally, 9-12 year olds are learning to develop an increased awareness of themselves and are focused on fitting in with their peers. They continue to see the world in absolute black and white terms even though they are able to speculate t and reason in hypothetical terms. The tennis parents who recognize the complexities of this age period will allow their child to express themselves within the peer setting and will be setting the foundation of realistic goal setting.

The 13-18 year old is developing an identity separate from his parent, even though he does not always like the loss of the protection of the family. Peers continue to increase in importance as the teen balances his personal needs and impulses with societal rules. At this time, the parent allows peer expression (baggy shorts or mismatched outfits will not last forever) while offering stability in parenting and the parent/child relationship.

Parents who understand and teach self-confidence know that self confidence and skill competence must develop together throughout all stages of development. As the coach continues to work on the mechanics and strategies; the parent must help the player to keep a strong sense of self-worth so that he or she can feel free to pursue the correction of his/her errors. Ultimate self-confidence is the ability to acquire competencies - both physically and psychologically. Parents can teach this by teaching personal goal setting by helping their player with the following steps:

• Set performance, not outcome goals. This gives the athlete control over his ability to achieve his goals.
• Set challenging goals rather than easy goals, with the immediate goal being just beyond the athlete's recent performance and longer term goals being three or four steps beyond.
• Set realistic goals. Help the athlete to know who he really is. Not every one is destined or will want to be a pro player. Being a high school or college player is a very admirable goal.
• Set specific, not general goals. "Setting up my approach shot and not pushing the ball" is more specific and easier to accomplish than "playing my best".
• Set short-term goals because too many factors can interfere with long-term goals. Play your goals for the next tournament, not the next year. Armed with the ultimate self-confidence, an opponent's strength will not intimidate, a loss will not devastate and the tennis will be fun for the parent and player.